Thursday, January 22, 2009


That word is just plain ugly.


Websters defines divorce as 'the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage' (

I always feel a little hypocritical when I tell people how terrible it is to divorce. After all, I have been divorced...Mark has been divorced. It's not pretty! In each of our situations, our spouses made the decision to 'dissolve'. Although our divorces were 'biblically acceptable' and all, it didn't (and still doesn't!) make it easier.

If I could express how difficult it is to divorce, I would. I know a few couples that are on the edge of something drastic and the only reason they are contemplating divorce is because they 'don't get along anymore'. Sure, there are valid reasons for divorce....such as abuse, adultery, abandonment....but it's definitely not a good enough reason to 'not get along'!! But we see it all the time.

Divorce is heartbreaking. Even if you don't like your spouse anymore by the time it happens, there is a marital bond that breaks and it is impossible to explain to one who has never experienced it. Yeah...even if you don't love that person anymore, there is a bond. Actually, anyone that you have 'relations' with...whether you are married to them or not...that bond is there. That is why it is SO important not to have pre-marital sex. If you do, it really causes problems! Not only is it a sin problem...but the reason that God doesn't want us to do it is because of this bond.

That's why so many people marry the wrong person!!! It took me awhile to figure this all out!

See, if you have pre-marital sex with whoever your dating, whether you are planning to marry them or not, you are BONDED. And if you bond with someone you aren't going to be happy with for the rest of your life, or someone that God did not intend for you to marry, you are in HUGE trouble! If you are having 'relations' for 'for fun' or for whatever reason, you could possibly end up marrying that person. That is exactly what happens. You almost feel obligated to do it! This bond is very strong people!!!

This breaking of the marital bond thing that happens with a divorce is surely the reason why the couple gets upset, argues...all kinds of negative feelings are created. Worse than when they were together! It's terrible.

And the kids....oh my goodness. That's another post!

The saying that pops into my head when I discuss this topic is, "Do as I say, not as I do". I know, I know. I am divorced. I remarried. What's her face......Dr. Laura? Do you know who I am talking about? She says that if you divorce, not to remarry until your children are grown. She's not the only one...many Christian psychologists say the same...or to wait at least 5 years. For Mark and my situation, so many positive changes have taken place within my children's life since he has arrived. His presence has helped them in so many ways. That's probably another post as well :)

I pray often...I wish I could say daily, but that wouldn't be honest...that our children will 'do as we say, not as we do'. I pray that they will wait to date. I pray they will date only to find the one God has intended for them...not just date 'for fun' to whoever they are attracted to at the moment. Mark and I talk to them about it....some of them could care less at this time in their life...but we still discuss it. It is SO important. To me, who you marry is the 2nd most important decision you will EVER make. The first, well, that is the decision to accept Christ as your personal Savior :)

I'm done rambling! Pray for your kids and their future spouse. Pray for your marriage. If you are struggling and you don't have a biblical reason to divorce (or there is no abuse involved), don't give up!!! God can still make your life beautiful!!!!


~Bethany :)

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